I seem to be going through some sort of transformation stage. A reinventing of myself so to speak. In the past 2 weeks I have had a lot of "lightbulb" moments and they all seem to be pointing in different directions. So what do I do with all of this new information? I don't know.
It's this wierd feeling of not really fitting in anywhere and not really wanting to work at making it flow better. I'm slamming into walls everywhere. I suppose that is what life is about, but I don't know what I want or where I want to be and it is causing a bit of inner turmoil. And it's not the big things.
It sounds lame, but having 2 cats die in the space of a month has brought home the fact that I will not live forever and if there is anything that I need to do in my life I need to get on with it.
It's like breaking in new shoes. The blisters are brutal, but after a while the shoes start to losen up enough and the blisters form calluses. They then become favorite shoes.
Maybe I just need to let go of the control freak in me and just let it flow or take short-cuts, but that seems to make the messes bigger and more complicated. By holding on to what I can control, I feel more secure. So the less secure I feel, the more I feel the need to control everything. And it is making me tired.
Or maybe, I just caught the cold going around at work.
Friday, October 16, 2009
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